


Life sucks but it gets better

by quartzrabbittooth



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, dear Evan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-19 01:07:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quartzrabbittooth/pseuds/quartzrabbittooth
Summary: I just wanted to try writing a story about what, at least in my experience, living with mental illness as a teen is. No glorification and fetishising of it. Just life. I have no idea where this will go, but I will update this as we go along. With each character's perspective, I will do my best to change my writing style to show their personalities and thoughts, as well as I can. Thank you for sticking around!
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

Evan heard his alarm ringing and jolted up. First day of senior year. He quite honestly never thought he'd make it this far. His mother came in, and, well she did and said what she always does. "How did you sleep? Don't forget to write the letter! See you after work honey!" She was trying her best. He knew it. But he didn't **know** it. He got out of bed to stop thinking. A blue striped shirt and khakis. He'll blend in yet stand out. It's perfect. But he shouldn't wear it too often, people will think he's dirty. But he likes these clothes. But people. He put it on. Okay that took a few minutes. Evan went to eat some breakfast. But he's not hungry. This is stupid. He ate an apple and took his medicine before brushing his teeth and eventually, leaving the house. He hoped it'd be different this year. He even kept a sharpie in his pocket, just in case it **will** be different. Maybe he'll make up the courage to speak to Zoe. Actually speak to her instead of letting out some inhuman seeming sounds. He picked at his cast. It would be so nice to rip it off, it would probably be so satisfying. Not as satisfying as- Evan shook his head and quickly glanced around to check if anyone saw him do so. He kept his head down as he continued walking, to avoid making eye contact, that'd be so awkward, he'll just do his best to avoid it, he's gotten good at it. Then he heard a voice, a voice he recognised. He looked up. "Jared?" he smiled slightly as Jared pointed finger guns "Hey dude. Nice cast, I'm sure girls will like you as a cripple" he snorted. Of course. "Oh I actually fell from a tree it's quite stupid I was climbing and there I go I fell" Evan rushed and chuckled awkwardly. "That's... Kinda funny. Also pathetic. But funny. I'm sure Zoe will feel bad enough about it to go on a date with you" Jared laughed. Evan shrugged, he's not gonna go there, Jared may be his only friend, but he isn't trustworthy. Not after the field trip in 6th grade. Fucking Kleinman. "So anyways I spent my summer coding a n d . . ." Evan didn't understand a word that came out of his mouth. He understood it but also didn't. He started walking away when the conversation seemed to end. It was a blur. It's probably the meds. Then it happened. Connor Murphy bumped into him. A small accident in the grand scheme of things, but a huge, terrifying thing for Evan. "Watch where you're going" Connor murmured. Almost apologetically. "Oh shit I'm sorry I didn't mean to I was zoned out and I'm really sorry-" Evan rambled off again. Keep focused on one topic. "It's fine dude it's okay calm down" Connor sighed and held onto his bag. And then Jared chimed in. Of course he did. Of course he had to. "Nice haircut, very school shooter chic" He made a sound which a selfish pig would make. Connor rolled his eyes and kept walking away. "Awwww come on, did daddy kick your teeth in? Cut out your tongue?" Evan stared at Jared in silence. Jared's smile faded as he realised he's crossed a line. Connor's fist met his face. Admittedly, he deserved it. "Ow! What the hell!" Jared squeeled in pain as blood from his nose ran down to his lips and then chin. Connor stared. He looked... Surprised? He turned around and quickly scurried away. "Dude you're not gonna help me?" Jared almost sounded like a betrayed kid. So Evan got tissues out of his pocket and handed some to him. It's Jared, he's been this way forever. He's just an ass. "I should go yeah sorry" Evan started slowly moving away backwards from Jared, picking up speed when he was far enough to not hear Jared's whining. He rushed into a bathroom and sat down on the floor to steady his breathing. He barely even realised he'd been freaking out, it's been happening so often it's almost become normal. He curled up into a ball and took his phone. It's basically shattered after the summer, he wasn't able to use it without cutting up his fingers. He had to have it in case it wouldn't go away. Everything was too much. He couldn't see. He couldn't feel, he scratched at his neck. He couldn't feel it. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. The thoughts swarmed in his head. He needed for it to stop, so he hit his head against the wall. Again and again, until the pain was the only thing he felt. Everything was calm. Better. He laid down to feel less sick. This is shit.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> God my writing style changes at the end. What can you do.

Evan had skipped most of his classes, although be it for a good reason, or his concussion. He couldn't go home and see his mother's dissapointed face, so instead he settled for hiding in the library, maybe even printing out a letter for therapy. It's stupid, it doesn't help, but noone listens to his opinion, so even if it's pointless, he still does it. He started making his way to the library as he saw Zoe standing and chatting with a few of her friends. Her eyes were so inviting. He let his eyes linger on her smile for a bit too long, as she looked back at him. He stood there for a moment, whilst Zoe excused herself and walked up to Evan. "Hi, you're Evan, right? A senior?" Evan blushed, holy shit she knew his name. He nodded " Uh yeah! And you're Zoe? Zoe Murphy? From jazz band?" He stuttered, his face clearly turning a far darker shade of red than it was. Zoe nodded, ever so slightly uncomfortable "Yeah! I just wanted to ask you if you could pass my apology for my brother to Jared? I heard about what happened in the hallway, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Connor's insane, I don't know what's wrong with him" She gave Evan a half smile. "Sure! And Jared kind of deserved it, not in a mean way but he can be a dick- but not in a mean way" Zoe snickered "Dude, it's okay, don't worry" she looked over her shoulder as one of her friends called out her name "Oh, gotta go, see you around!" She smiled and walked away. Evan hid his face in his hands. Zoe spoke to him! She was nice! And he didn't even stutter too much! He quickly skipped to the library, biting the inside of his cheek in an attempt to not look completely idiotic. As he opened the door to the library, the smell hit him. The smell of every school year he's spent in this hellhole. Evan sat down in front of one of the schools computers, a good thing happened. Its a good opportuninty to write his letter. So he does so, the letter isn't perfect, but it's the truth, his experiences. Evan goes to print it out after paying a few cents for it. Whilst waiting for his letter, Connor Murphy walked into the library, almost surprised to see Evan. "Uh, hi" Connor goes back to his default resting face   
"I wanted to apologise, I was being an asshole, I acted without thinking, it was a shit move of me"  
"Oh it's okay yeah I wasn't the one who got punched so y'know yeah" Evan chuckled uncomfortably. Connor nodded, a sort of acceptance in his eyes "Yeah" he turned his eyes to the floor "Can I at least sign your cast?" his eyes met Evan's for a slight moment, Connor felt terrible. "Oh uh sure yeah" Evan reached into his jeans pocket with his slightly trembling hands and pulled out his dollar tree sharpie, when handing it to Connor, their hands touched, he noticed how quickly Connor moved his hand away. He wrote his name in skinny capital letters and handed the sharpie back. Then his eyes landed on the now printed out letter


End file.
